A man gets stopped by the police at midnight and asked him where he was going....
' I am going to listen to a lecture about the effects of alcohol abuse on the human body' the man replied. 'Who is givving a lecture at this time of night?' asked the police. 'The bloody wife!!!' replys the man.
Paddy and Mick go to Alton Towers and try out a roller coaster. 'will we fall out? asks Paddy. 'Will we heck' says Mick ' We've been friends for years'
My chinese friend had a girlfriend called Lorraine. But he was cheating on her with a girl called Clare-lee. Sadly Lorraine died, and at her funeral, my mate stood up and sang I can see Clare-lee now Lorraine has gone!!
Paddy says to Mick ' I'm getting operated on tomorrow'. Mick replies ' Oh what are they going to do?'.Paddy says, 'circumcise me'. Mick says ' I had that done as a small baby'. 'Did it hurt?' Paddy asks. Mick replies ' I should say so I couldn't walk for a year'
My wife said to me last night 'shall I slip into something that will make you smile?'. ' Yeah try a coma'
