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10 Bird Jokes To Make You Chortle

February 16th, 2009

Here’s a few sidesplitting jokes to amuse you … when I say side splitting, they’re not really sidesplitting as such but hey they are relatively amusing, add your best jokes to the comments section underneath 🙂

Which bird is always out of breath ?
A puffin !

What’s got six legs and can fly long distances ?
Three swallows !

Why did the owl, owl ?
Because the woodpecker would peck ‘er !

What do you call a crate of ducks ?
A box of quackers !

What language do birds speak ?
Pigeon English !

How do you get a parrot to talk properly ?
Send him to polytechnic !

What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework ?
A firequaker !

What is a parrot’s favorite game ?
Hide and Speak !

What do you call a Scottish parrot ?
A Macaw !

What do parrots eat ?
Polyfilla !


The Talking Parrots

December 12th, 2008

A lady approaches her priest and tells him “Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.”

“What do they say?” the priest inquired.

“They only know how to say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'”

“That’s terrible!” the priest exclaimed, “but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn the joys of praise and worship.”

“Thank you!” the woman responded.

The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest’s house. His two male parrots are holding the rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say “Hi we’re prostitutes, want to have some fun?”

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, “Put the beads away, brother. Our prayers have been answered!”


Courteous Parrot

December 5th, 2008

A lady is walking down the street to work and sees a parrot in a pet store. She stops to admire the bird. The parrot says to her,

“Hey lady, you are really ugly.”

Well, the lady is furious! She storms past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot in the window and the parrot upon seeing her says,

“Hey lady, you are really ugly.”

She was incredibly ticked now. The next day on the way to work she saw the same parrot and once again it said,

“Hey lady, you are really ugly.”

The lady was so furious that she stormed into the store and threatened to sue the store and have the bird killed. The store manager apologized profusely and promised the bird wouldn’t say it again.

The next day, when the lady walked past the store after work the parrot said to her,

“Hey lady.”

She paused, scowled with an icy and deadly stare, and said with a hoarse voice, “Yes?” The bird, strutting back and forth on its perch in a cocky manner, said,

“You know.”


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